there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Randomize
