I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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