please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Randomize
