I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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