two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
Randomize
