I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Randomize
