She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Randomize
