If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
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