It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
