I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
It's not a walk of shame if you run
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
Randomize
