allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
