I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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