Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize
