If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Randomize