Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Randomize
