Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
