I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
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