my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Randomize
