First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
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