tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
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