first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
May the power of my ass compel you!!
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
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