so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
