she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
Randomize
