I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
