I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Randomize
