Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
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