It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Randomize
