i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Randomize
