ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
it wasn't lemon gatorade
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
He kissed a someone with a penis
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
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