I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
