I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
Can I color on your dick again?
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize
