He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
