i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
