what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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