I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
Randomize
