Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
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