My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize