I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
