Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
Randomize
