Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Randomize
