he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
I came so hard my ears popped.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
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