I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Randomize
