She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
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