i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
