anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Randomize
