It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
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