I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
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