the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
Randomize
