Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
Randomize
