I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
Randomize
