I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
