Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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