So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
