do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Randomize
