evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
