It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Randomize
