you would pick up someone in the library
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
