I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Randomize
