theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
false alarm, still single
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
Randomize
