oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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