I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Randomize
