Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
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