sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Randomize
