do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
Randomize
