So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
Randomize
