is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
