who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
