Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
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