i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Randomize
