i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
i'm transferring to degrassi. i don't care that it's severely canadian. classes are five minutes long, there's no actual work and you can get oot of class whenever you want to go have a dramatic scene with someone in the hall
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
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